Errores de un guiri (Frases del Día/Phrases of the day)

Learn Spanish with comics - Aprende español con historietas

I started Errores de Un Guiri to help people learn about Spanish culture and improve their Spanish by laughing with (or at) the mistakes I made. By understanding a language's common structures and idioms, you understand the humour and culture of the people (and vice versa).

Before reading, it's important to know what a Guiri is. "¿Qué es “guiri?” Un guiri es un extranjero que vive en España. Alguien que pone ketchup en la tortilla, mezcla los verbos estar y ser, deja propinas, busca restaurantes abiertos entre las 15:00 y 20:00, sale al club a las diez, llora en el ayuntamiento, pide paella fuera de la comunidad Valencia, y comete otros errores graves." What is “guiri?” A guiri is a foreigner living in Spain. Someone who puts ketchup on the tortilla, mixes the verbs estar and ser, leaves tips, looks for restaurants open between 15:00-20:00, goes to the club at ten, cries at the town hall, asks for paella outside the Valencia community, and makes other serious mistakes.

In other words, it's a slightly derogatory term for people like me.

Frases Del Dia

No tengo no mierda en las tripas = I don't even have shit in my intestines (I'm broke AF).

Translation

"Why are you broke AF."

"I had to pay my independent contractor fees."

If you don't live in Spain, this probably isn't funny to you. And if you do live in Spain, even less so. Autónomo fees start at around 60 euros a month and, after two years, go up to about 400 euros a month (these numbers vary depending on your business). Even if you don't make any money, you must pay autónomo fees. It's one of the reasons the dream in Spain is to become a (funcionario) government employee. The other reasons include coffee breaks up the wazoo, short work hours, and the inability to get fired. Now, imagine what could happen to the economy if the Spanish government incentivized entrepreneurship rather than punished it. But what do I know? I'm just a guiri.

Translation

"Why are you broke AF?"

"I didn't work for the government during COVID."

This is not a jab toward healthcare professionals. They're heroes. This is a jab toward politicians that raised their own salaries. They're the furthest things from heroes.

Translation

"Why are you broke AF?"

"I live in Spain."

Echar un polvo = To throw a dust (To bang)

Translation

"Let's have sex" (Literal: Let's throw ourselves a dust.)

"Okay."

Translation

"Why did you throw dust in my eyes, asshole?"

Translation

"... Now I get it."

Cagarse por la pata abajo = To shit through the duck down (to have diarrhea)

Translation

The guiri shits himself when...

"I have eaten too much olive oil."

Translation

A Spanish person shits himself when...

"I have eaten too much authentic Mexican food."

By the way, this is not a joke about Mexican food. It's about Spanish people not handling spicey food – a phenomenon that often surprises some 'Merican tourists who associate "Spanish" with "Mexican."

No me renta = It doesn't rent me (It's not worth my while)

Translation

"Go clean your room."

"It's not worth my while."

Translation

"Go and work!"

"It's not worth my while."

Nini = Ni trabajo ni estudiar. A person who doesn't work or study.

Nini de padres rico. A "Nini" with rich parents.

Hablar por los codos = To talk throw the elbows (To talk up a storm)

Beba cuanto beba = No matter how much I drink *Subjunctive

Translation

"I'm always thirsty for ______ no matter how much I drink."

Translation

If you wrote "Kombucha," you're a guiri like me.

Translation

If you wrote "Cruzcampo," you are from Sevilla.

This is also an "inside Spain" joke. Everyone shits on Cruzcampo except for Sevillans, who swear it tastes better in Sevilla, where it was created.

Translation

If you wrote "water," you are a party pooper.

"I am going to sleep at 10:00."

Aguafiesta = Waterparty (Party pooper).

Montar un pollo = To ride a chicken (To make a fuss)

Translation

A guiri makes a fuss because the "bartender" thinks a gin tonic and Cuba Libre are the only cocktails that exist.

If you've only been to the big cities in Spain, you probably don't understand this joke. The second you leave the tourist hubs, your cocktail days are over.

Ser del puño cerrado = To be a closed fist (to be a cheapskate)

Translation

If you leave a 10% tip in Spain, you're fucking awesome.

Translation

If you leave a 10% tip in Canada, you're a cheapskate.

Comerse la olla = To eat the pot (to overthink or to overreact)

Translation

Guiris overreact with servers.

"I haven't seen the waitress in 30 minutes." *I used the word waitress because all-gender-inclusive words aren't as big of a deal in Spain as they are in some English-speaking countries or universities.

"In England, we would have already drank 5 pints."

Faster service = more money.

Translation

The waitress can't stop thinking negatively about the guiris.

Faster service = More vomiting guiris.  

Dormir a pierna suelta = To sleep a loose leg (to sleep like a rock)

Translation

"What do you need to sleep like a rock?"

"A joint, man."

Tio = uncle, but it's like saying "man."

Perroflauta = dog flute (hippy).  

Translation

"What do you need to sleep like a rock?"

"A giant bed."

Niña mimada = spoiled girl.

Translation

"What do you need to sleep like a rock?"

"Sleeping pills and bottle of vodka."

Oligarca ruso = Russian oligarch.

Mileurista - A person that makes around 1000 €/month

Translation

... A mileurista (a person who makes around 1000 €/month) in their 30s who doesn't live with their parents:

"Do you both want to be my roommates?"

"How many bedrooms do you have?"

"One."

Translation

... A mileurista (a person who makes around 1000 €/month) in their 30s who still lives with their parents:

"Check out my car, ladies."

For those who don't live in Spain, it's important to know that 1000 €/month is enough to cover necessities and some leisure in small towns, but it's barely enough to get by in the big cities. Low wages, together with a strong family culture and coddling Spanish mothers (they admit it themselves), make it common for people in their 30s to live with their parents. Some of them save money, whereas others buy Audis. And if you're American or Canadian and thinking, "Why don't they get a loan?" The answer is, "because they're not American or Canadian."

Sin ton ni son = Without rhyme or reason

*Ton isn't actually a word, so I couldn't give you a direct translation.

Translation

"What happened in House of Dragon? Who are these new actors? Why does everything continue to change?"

"Everything is written without rhyme or reason."

Eramos pocos y pario la abuelo = We were few, and then the grandmother gave birth (The final straw).

Used both physically (when a place is already full and then even more people show up) and emotionally (when something bad happens and then it gets even worse).

Translation

"There was a huge line for the nightclub."

"Where is the grandma?"

Translation

"It has been a horrible weekend! I lost my phone, broke my arm, and my dog died."

"How sad. That was the final straw" (We were few, and then the grandmother gave birth).

Al tuntun = Without a plan, haphazardly - A rajatabla  = strictly, to the letter.

Translation

How they follow the COP26 measures...

... The scientist: To the letter.

... The politicians: Without a plan.

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