The Problem With Empathy and Belgium

Navigating Belgium's Regions and "Us vs Them" Mentality

Photo by jurien huggins on Unsplash

If you read Running of With a Stranger, you know why I’m pulling up this article from the archives.

Running Off with a Stranger

Empathy, like stories, can be destructive.

Sure, empathy is great if you want to be an actor.

"The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy." – Meryl Streep.

"It's got to do with putting yourself in other people's shoes and seeing how far you can come to truly understand them. I like the empathy that comes from acting." – Christian Bale.

"I've always thought of acting as more of an exercise in empathy, which is not to be confused with sympathy. You're trying to get inside a certain emotional reality or motivational reality and try to figure out what that's about so you can represent it." – Edward Norton.

But, like with most things, don't listen to actors. Trust me, I used to be one... or at least attempted to be one. Spending your days trying to put yourself in someone else's shoes gives you the fabricated belief that you understand people from all walks of life.

What you really need to practice—and I believe this applies universally—is rational compassion.

So, what's the difference between empathy and compassion?

Paul Bloom, a psychology professor at the University of Toronto and Yale University, argues that empathy is subjective and biased, as it involves emotionally experiencing what others feel. In contrast, compassion maintains a more objective stance by recognizing the suffering of others without necessarily sharing their emotional state.

Consider this: When you have a breakdown about your failures, do you want your partner to cry with you, feel, and reflect on your lack of confidence? Or do you want your partner to stay strong and help you get back on track?

Imagine if we tried to solve the world's problems solely with empathy. Continuously being exposed to others' suffering would lead to burnout from constantly feeling everyone's pain. Compassion, with its more balanced and rational approach, can help maintain emotional well-being and mitigate the negative consequences of empathy.

But what does any of this have to do with Belgium, you may wonder?

This!

This is a picture of a pistolet, the BEST type of bread humans ever came up with. Well, aside from French baguettes, French croissants and Indian butter naan. Anyway, the dough must rise for 12 hours while it’s periodically manipulated with a small stick. The result is a light and delicate inside with a crisp crust that is reason enough to visit Belgium.

And if I hear anyone say, “Ik sta op om zeven uur ‘s morgens om elke zondag Pistolets te eten (I get up at seven in the morning to eat Pistolets every Sunday),” I will have no problem emphasizing with that person if I see him (it’s always a Belgian man in the bakery lineup on Sunday) crying because the last pistolet was taken in front of his eyes. 

This could be because empathy can be easily manipulated and is often influenced by race, nationality, or appearance. So, would I empathize with a Burmese woman crying in the Belgian bakery line because the last pistolet was taken before her eyes? As unlikely as this situation is, yes, I would.

Put me in a room full of people from my own race—mayonnaise white—and I'll be less comfortable than in a room with multiple races. Is that a good thing? I don't know. I'm a third-culture kid who has lived as an immigrant for most of my life, so it's easy for me to empathize with someone who doesn't look like they are from the country they are living in (even if they are).

However, look up racial empathy bias studies. You'll find more than enough evidence supporting the idea that most people empathize more with those from their own race and nationality. You'll also find ways to cultivate empathy, but what we really should focus on is compassion.

Compassion, being more objective, is less susceptible to these biases and can provide a more impartial and fair response to suffering. This is true for every person and nation, but since Belgians' "us vs them" mentality is so ridiculous, it gives me a chance to do some travel writing, and as someone who holds a Belgian passport, I'm comfortable singling Belgium out.

It's easy to love Belgians. I mean, look at what they have created.

Ghent.

Walking through Belgian cities, towns, and parks is like being in a fairytale. And like fairytales, it's a bit racist.

Belgians generally score high on uncertainty avoidance. One theory is that because so many wars were fought there, they grew afraid of people who looked different. However, Belgians also hate on other Belgians. The Flemish complain about the Walloons (especially now that Wallonia is no longer the rich part), but the 'us vs them' mentality doesn't stop there. In Flanders, you can drive 15 kilometres and suddenly hear a completely different dialect and, as some claim, find completely different people.

Now, if you've been to Brussels, you're probably thinking, WTF are you talking about? During a walk through Brussels, you'll find every race coexisting—okay, yeah, there were a few horrendous terrorist attacks that prove otherwise—but in the peaceful and productive everyday life that news doesn't cover, people in Brussels often speak at least three languages and are happy to accommodate no matter where you're from.

Saint Catherine Church, Brussels.

Near Dansaert, Brussels

But Brussels is not Belgium—as people in Flanders often point out. Like Trump, people in Flanders hate Brussels, thinking it's a shithole full of dirty terrorists or pompous elitists. Yes, I'm generalizing, but I'm not exaggerating what they say.

Of course, there are people in Flanders who love Brussels and even Wallonia, as proven by all the Flemish volunteers who wandered south to help their countrymen during the devastating floods in 2021. And if you've ever been to the Flemish side of Belgium, you've likely noticed they're some of the most hospitable people on earth. You'll never enter a house without an alcoholic beverage in your hand within ten seconds. They're kind, warm, tipsy, and full of empathy.

Unfortunately, they're not full of rational compassion. Flanders is full of separatists complaining that those freeload-loving French socialists down south are living off their hard-earned tax contributions. But this doesn't mean that the Flemish are a united people.

If you're from the province of Antwerp, people from the other provinces think you're an arrogant prick. If you're from West Flanders, the others think you're a small-minded farmer who speaks like you have a hot potato in your mouth but with an acute business sense and the ability to avoid taxes when possible. And if you're from Limburg, you're less likely to be rich, and you talk funny. Then there's East Flanders…

Their dialect is too neutral.

There is Flemish unity, though. The negative parts (in my view) stem from wanting to separate and from disliking immigrants and socialists.

"The socialists put our country in debt by giving our money away to refugees, aiding Ukraine, and don't even get me started on the Walloons. We need a government that puts the Flemish people first by keeping jobs for the Flemish! We need a government that puts our economy first!”

That's the general argument from people voting for Vlaams Belang, an ultra-right populist party that is now the most popular among the Flemish people.

I often ask for specifics on how they will improve the economy, but all I’ve heard is, "Socialists put us in debt. They’re going to cut down on social spending to get the economy back on track.”

Here, you can point to some of Stephanie Kelton's ideas from The Deficit Myth and say, "The real limits on government spending are inflation and resource availability, not the deficit or debt levels." And then mention that Flemish people collectively have more money than the deficit. You can also point out that the most economically stable countries in Europe are the ones with the most social democracies, but some might write you off as some far-left elitist who thinks they know more than everyone else.

"I'm actually not that down with left, nor am I elite. But I'm always against populism. I mean, can you think of a time in history when this type of populist thinking, whether on the left or the right, was good for the world?”

“No."

"Can you think of a time when this type of populist thinking was bad for the world?”

"Well… yeah... but this is different. The refugee crisis is an extreme problem that needs an extreme government to fix it.”

When I ask "how?" again, they say something like, "By keeping illegal immigrants out, so they don't take Flemish jobs.”

The conversation is always the same. The thing is that many of these people are the same ones who hire foreign workers because they're cheaper and do the jobs Flemish people don't want. Then, I'll point out studies that show the arrival of migrants over the past five years has boosted Belgium's gross domestic product (GDP) by 3.5% and that these types of findings are found around the world.

This is usually their time for some emotional anecdotal rebuttal about the time an immigrant stole something from them or a friend.

But I don't want to end this with people thinking I have something against the Flemish people. I’ve met many empathetic and intelligent people with various political views. The thing I noticed is that those who get their information from the news want Vlaams Belang to win, and those who read books usually don't.

This is because news outlets frequently focus on individual cases or dramatic events, which trigger empathetic reactions that prioritize immediate and identifiable individuals over larger groups or long-term consequences.

Books and scholarly articles can provide a more nuanced and balanced perspective. They encourage cognitive deliberation, critical thinking, and a broader consideration of multiple viewpoints, which can lead to the development of rational compassion. By presenting evidence, reasoned arguments, and a broader context, books and scholarly articles promote a more thoughtful and principled approach to addressing societal problems, prioritizing fairness, justice, and long-term solutions over emotional reactivity.

But who the hell reads these days? So, here are some pictures and videos of Flanders, the only region on earth with a language that fills me with love and empathy the second I hear it.

But first…

North Sea shrimp croquettes in Ostend — the best you’ll ever have.

The beer menu is a book. However, I’m not sure this one will increase rational compassion.

One thing I love about Belgian bars is the diversity of good music. Belgian people know how to make a place ‘gezellig.’ It can’t be translated into other languages because nobody can pull it off quite like the Belgians. It means cozy, but it’s more than that. People can be gezellig as well. It’s the feeling of being social and relaxed.

“Een Belg is geboren met een baksteen in zijn maag.” A Belgian is born with a brick in their stomach. Most Belgians will choose a house over an apartment anyway, no matter the commute to work. Creating a gezellig home is incredibly important to Belgian people. And, as you can see, many houses are built from brick.

“Biking is in our blood!” This is one of the first things you’ll read in the airport in Zaventem, and it’s true.

Have any questions or comments about Belgium? Let’s talk in the comments.

And if you become a paid subscriber, don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you have specific immigration or acculturation questions.