For me it wasn't a romantic relationship, but a 40-year friendship. But, we were trauma bonded all the same. It's been almost two years since saying goodbye to her and it's still a journey. There are so many memories of my life that are intertwined. While I've said goodbye in the literal sense and don't see her anymore, she is still in my head--through memories and dreams. And because there were alot of great and fun times, it's hard not to appreciate those and forget the more subtle negative side of the relationship. Those trauma bonds are something else! Great piece Nolan.
Thank you, Kim! It's difficult for me to fathom a 40-year friendship consisting of a trauma bond. What are your healing tools?
I think I made one mistake in this article. I shouldn't have said they don't try to hurt you. On Christmas, I woke up to a letter saying, I never loved you. I met someone, and now I know what love is.
This was after I sent an email wishing her a happy Christmas and thanking her for the lessons and memories.
I always look for the good in people, but the older I get, the more I realize there truly are people who enjoy hurting others.
Thank you, Neena! This was a difficult piece to write. It was also a process for forgiveness. Stupidly, I sent my X a Christmas email thanking her for the lessons and memories and stating I forgive her for everything. She wrote back saying she never loved me and met someone right after our break up who showed her what love is. I try to use all my psychology knowledge to forgive and understand, but sometimes, we need to admit there are cruel people out there. Always looking for the best in people has damaged me.
For me it wasn't a romantic relationship, but a 40-year friendship. But, we were trauma bonded all the same. It's been almost two years since saying goodbye to her and it's still a journey. There are so many memories of my life that are intertwined. While I've said goodbye in the literal sense and don't see her anymore, she is still in my head--through memories and dreams. And because there were alot of great and fun times, it's hard not to appreciate those and forget the more subtle negative side of the relationship. Those trauma bonds are something else! Great piece Nolan.
Thank you, Kim! It's difficult for me to fathom a 40-year friendship consisting of a trauma bond. What are your healing tools?
I think I made one mistake in this article. I shouldn't have said they don't try to hurt you. On Christmas, I woke up to a letter saying, I never loved you. I met someone, and now I know what love is.
This was after I sent an email wishing her a happy Christmas and thanking her for the lessons and memories.
I always look for the good in people, but the older I get, the more I realize there truly are people who enjoy hurting others.
This is a really good one, Nolan.
I read this thinking about the people in Guyana. We belong to the collective culture.
One friend said we’re a broken society, damaged. There’s much here that can help the people.
I think both cultures offer great ideas we can benefit from.
Any individual reading this can learn from what both cultures offer.
Thank you, Neena! This was a difficult piece to write. It was also a process for forgiveness. Stupidly, I sent my X a Christmas email thanking her for the lessons and memories and stating I forgive her for everything. She wrote back saying she never loved me and met someone right after our break up who showed her what love is. I try to use all my psychology knowledge to forgive and understand, but sometimes, we need to admit there are cruel people out there. Always looking for the best in people has damaged me.
Fascinating see the two different approaches and isn't even something I would've begun to understand before we left the U.S.