The Mediterranean Vs North American Lifestyle

Perspectives from Italians in Chicago and a Canadian in the Valencia region of Spain.

Cool Beans Expat Club

(four Italian girls who moved to Chicago) join

Nolan Yuma

(a Canadian-Belgian living near Valencia, Spain) to explore the Mediterranean vs. North American lifestyle.

What is one of the biggest challenges you have faced in the U.S.?

Cool Beans Expat Group: One of the biggest challenges we've faced in the U.S. is building real friendships—the kind of deep, lasting connections we're used to in Italy. In America, people often say, "Let's stay in touch" or "We should meet again soon," but follow-through is rare. We don't think they do it to be mean, but the follow-up comes late, and it's perceived to be scheduled and less spontaneous. Therefore, the lack of consistency is the reason why it's difficult to create a meaningful connection. Even when they know you're new in town and looking to make friends, there's little effort to include you, regardless of whether you are an expat or not; we saw this happening between Americans as well.

Nolan: As far as the lack of spontaneity goes, I think that's something those of us who love Mediterranean cultures would miss. I've heard the same from people who moved from Spain to the Netherlands. They want to call up their new friends to meet up in a few hours and get a response like, "Yes, I'm available at 15:00–18:00 next month on Sunday." Like fuck me, I don't even plan trips across the world that far ahead. I also think it's something Protestant—to show how busy you are.

(Fun fact: Max Weber, a German sociologist, actually argued that Protestantism—specifically the Calvinist work ethic—laid the foundation for modern capitalism in the U.S. Hustle equals virtue.)

Anyway, that's a whole new topic to get into.

How do you feel relationships are different in Italy?

Cool Beans Expat Group: In Italy, friendships tend to form more naturally, with people inviting you into their existing circles and making you feel at home from day one. Another major difference is how certain topics—religion, politics, mainly personal struggles—are often off-limits in casual conversations here. We miss being able to openly discuss deep or controversial subjects without fear of offending someone.

Nolan: In Valencia, relationships also form more organically, apparently. People can strike up a conversation with someone at a café and find themselves drinking at a chiringuito (beach bar) during sunset. Yet, I live in Castellon de la Plana, where entering friend groups is notoriously difficult. I've lived here for five years and have two friends who have actually invited me into their homes.

Now that I speak Spanish better, I've noticed the average person is blunter here (no tienen pelos en la lengua). You can talk about politics, but honestly, political correctness and fear of offending people seem to have spread all over. People become more polarized and boxed in when they have to hide behind soft language and can't actually express how they feel.

Yet, my experience is quite different from yours because I grew up in Canada, and all my friends are the opposite of PC. I don't vibe with people who define themselves through ideologies and labels, so the people I surrounded myself with in Canada were fine talking about politics, religion, and so on.

What do you think is missing in the U.S.?

Cool Beans Expat Group: As we've written before (in this issue), true relationships are built on vulnerability, but in the U.S., there seems to be a strong preference for keeping things light and surface-level. There's also a noticeable tendency to exaggerate positivity. You do the bare minimum at work, and you're told you're amazing. People constantly receive compliments or reassurances, whether about their performance or appearance. It sometimes feels like validation is an essential part of communication here, which is very different from Italy, where feedback is often blunt and direct.

Nolan: For sure, in America, mediocrity is awesome. It's a country of people in the middle who require feedback that gives high self-esteem, prescription meds, or weed to get through regular-day tasks. If that sounds harsh, I hope readers realize I'm pointing one finger at the USA and three back at me.

On the other hand, what do you love more about American culture?

Cool Beans Expat Group: One thing we love about American culture is the freedom of self-expression. People dye their hair bright pink or wear bold outfits without anyone batting an eye. In Italy, people tend to judge based on appearance, and society can be much more closed-minded. This openness is also reflected in the variety of events and activities available in major U.S. cities.

Nolan: Oh, hell yeah, the freedom of self-expression is something I enjoy more in Canada and the States than in most of Europe. Well, depends. I've noticed way more self-expression in a city like Hamburg, Germany, than, let's say, Calgary, Canada. But still, overall, Europeans seem to judge way more. They're much more focused on what group you belong to. Maybe that's the flip side of being more community-oriented and less individualistic.

How does this cultural difference show up in everyday life in a city like Chicago?

Cool Beans Expat Group: In Chicago, you can find something for every niche interest, whereas in Italy, many social experiences revolve around food, fashion, design, and Italian music. Even in the culinary world, we've noticed a stark contrast. When our Italian friends visit, they're often surprised by how daring American chefs are, experimenting with bold and unexpected ingredient pairings. In Italy, chefs tend to be more conservative because they fear being judged by customers who expect tradition over innovation.

Nolan: There's no doubt that American chefs would be more daring because it's such a boiling pot of cultures and tastes, but I've also heard this: "They need to cover up their shitty, bland GMO ingredients." I can't speak for the States, but the produce in British Columbia is incredible, so I don't think people who diss' American chefs had a valid argument. I think they were just sour.

Instead, what's the big difference in terms of lifestyle?

Cool Beans Expat Group: In terms of lifestyle, we miss spontaneity. In Italy, you can text a friend last minute to meet for coffee or dinner. Here, it feels like every social interaction needs to be scheduled in advance. Plans are made weeks ahead, which makes everything feel a bit rigid compared to the fluid, last-minute nature of social life back home.

Nolan: Yep, that's the one. In Spain, you can text a friend at 7 pm and be clinking glasses by 7:30 pm. You go with the flow of life, not the calendar. In North America, it sometimes feels like if something isn't planned, it doesn't count. But I think that's more of an East Coast thing. The West Coast is more laid-back. People don't plan (or show up on time) as much.

Are there aspects of the American culture you connect more with than in Italy?

Cool Beans Expat Group: Yes, definitely! For one, the culture of fairness and meritocracy. Unlike in Italy—where middle management rarely changes, making career growth stagnant—here, if you work hard, you can move up. There's also a greater sense of honesty in day-to-day transactions. You can use a credit card anywhere without someone pretending the machine is broken, and people are generally less likely to take advantage of you. While adapting to American culture has had its challenges, it has also broadened our perspectives. Some aspects still feel foreign, but others—like the freedom to be yourself and the opportunities for growth—make us feel more at home than we expected.

Nolan: I've heard that as well. Personally, I can't say much about it because I've never worked in the corporate world aside from being an independent contractor selling and promoting whatever gig came my way. Yet, even in that world, I noticed that anyone could become anything. In Spain, people have titulitis—they overemphasize paper qualifications and ignore practical experience. To be honest, I don't like the Spanish work and education culture. People work longer hours but do so much less within those hours, schools are conservative, and there's a lack of entrepreneurial spirit. Luckily, I have my own education business online, where I work with people worldwide. I get to enjoy the aspects of Spanish culture I love while avoiding the parts I don't… sometimes.

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