What is Home? A Conversation with Rachel Ooi.

Exploring the identity of third-culture kids.

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What is home? How have cultures shaped my identity? Where will I end up next? Who will I become then?

These are lifelong questions with answers that shift, mould, and contradict one another. Part of living a life without borders para salir de las fronteras que impone tu mente is finding a community of people who are inescapably foreign, just like I am. One of those people is

Rachel Ooi

from Conscious Living.

Rachel Ooi when she was dressed up to perform a Chinese dance in school.

Rachel Ooi

was born in Taiping, Malaysia, as a third-generation Chinese-Malaysian. She lived in Malaysia for most of her life while travelling all over the world. She settled in Germany with her husband almost a decade ago and is now surrounded by two young kids. 

How do you answer where you’re from? How often have you had to change the answer?

As I have shared, I answer the question now by saying I am from Malaysia, and if prompted further—with a Chinese heritage. In Germany, someone rarely asks me where I am from; the Germans, by nature though direct, tread carefully around potentially sensitive topics. During my travels, I encountered this question the most, mainly from genuine people who wanted to connect with me, and it was my own personal identity crisis that made it difficult to answer. Personally, I wish I could just answer that I am a global citizen and I came from planet Earth! 

Which geography gives you a sense of home?

After a long search during my travels and contemplating this topic of “finding a home,” I finally found that it is not where but with whom that matters. Now that I have found the love of my life and also made a little family of my own, it’s proven that it really doesn’t matter where we live as long as we are together.

Which food makes you feel at home?

After living long enough away from Malaysia, my country of origin, I found, to my surprise, that my favourite food is a simple chicken noodle soup! I cook it in a simplified version often, and it makes me happy. Any kind of Asian noodle soup will also comfort me!

Which parts of yourself feel Chinese?

When I look in the mirror, I can see that I look 100% Chinese. There might be a chance somewhere along the line of my ancestors in China that there was a rogue mix because my hair is brown (the common Han Chinese has black or very dark brown hair), but as a kid, mine shone light brown. Otherwise, all my other features portray that I am Chinese. So, I do feel Chinese physically. Besides that, I have a few Chinese superstitions drilled into me, which I find difficult to shake off. I was told never to cut fingernails at night; I do, but I still feel uneasy every time I do it. I was told never to point at the moon; I still never do. These are just a few of the many thoughts that remind me that I am Chinese.

Which parts of yourself feel German?

I find that I am very similar to the Germans because of my love for travelling. Back home in Malaysia, I was the crazy friend who went off backpacking solo for long stretches of time. But here in Germany, I am the normal person who did what many secretly wished they did or already did during their gap year. Throughout their adult working life, Germans are known to take long holidays or sabbaticals, and it is culturally accepted here, which works great for me! Back in Malaysia, I had to quit my contract job before I could take a long time off.

Which parts of yourself feel Malaysian?

For sure, it is the chill and relax part of me. Malaysians are known for the term boleh, which means can, able to or permitted to. In other words, it is a positive word for accepting everything and being chill about it. When I first came to Germany and had to deal with a lot of bureaucracy, I felt very isolated and as if I was dealing with “robots” as the Germans are very rule-abiding, which causes them to be devoid of 人情 (humanness or human emotions). 

During that time, I had to call the Malaysian embassy regarding something related to bureaucracy, and my fellow Malaysian on the other line of the phone answered, “If you want, also can; if you don’t want, also can.” I almost cried with happiness at the sound of this familiar phrase. I didn’t know I appreciated this part of us so much until I missed it here. 

But don’t get me wrong. The Germans can be very warm in family and friends settings, especially once you get to know them; it is just that in the formal setting, especially with the government, they turn into stone due to the pressure of being “correct.”

Which parts of yourself move beyond borders and cultural constructs? 

I pride myself on being open and worldly. I see everyone, regardless of where they are from or what they hold as their beliefs or culture, as essentially the same. We are all good and only want to live the best we can. I dream of a world without borders but still rich and diverse in culture, food, languages, art, and music. 

How do language and communication play a role in your sense of identity and belonging?

Language plays a big role here as I dwelled deep into this topic while pregnant with my first child. I realize I do not have a native language, in a sense, a language that I first learned and also mastered in my life. I grew up first with Cantonese and then a mixture of English, and later, I went on to learn English in school as a subject, but the main language was Malay. Only in university did I move solely to English and onwards to work, making it officially my “first language.” Although my Cantonese remains only at the level of, I am guessing, a 7-year-old, I chose to pass this language on to my kids because it is my tie back to all the mothers in my life. It is, in some way, my mother tongue. My mum, both my grandmas, and my nanny all spoke Cantonese to me, and I want to pass this gift to my children. In many ways, though, I am most comfortable with English, which makes me feel that I belong to the “majority” of the world, the “everyone” who speaks and writes in English. 

What advice would you give to someone who is navigating their own cultural identity or immigrant experience?

I would say scheissegal (don’t give a damn) about what others think. Just be yourself. Be compassionate to yourself and also to others. Be genuine and do your best. Everything will fall into place!

How has travelling to different countries or experiencing various cultures influenced you?

Travel has given me the biggest gift of all—conscious living. It took me out of my comfort zone and showed me what it means to engage with life instead of just existing. Besides that, travel has shown me that everybody, in essence, is good. It has given me a very positive outlook on humanity and life, which is even more imperative now in this time of crisis in the world.

You can find my answers to the same questions at Conscious Living.

Do you want to collaborate on an interview, podcast, film, or any quest-related endeavour?

Part of travel therapy comes down to diversity. Diversity is the key to any thriving ecosystem, culture, or person. I’m always here to discuss, learn, and grow together.

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