Coping With Failure

Replacing Unpaid Work With Leisure Time

Do you need to use your eyes for something else? You can listen to my voiceover by clicking the article voiceover.

One measure of humanity’s progress is more leisure time. Unfortunately, many use it to consume or ‘be productive’ instead of play. 

Throughout my adult life, I devoted most of my free time to my creative goals, whether acting, writing, or, dare I say it, ‘creating content.’ The time spent writing what poured out of me, puzzling together plots, filming skits, brainstorming with friends y los voces en mi cabeza, researching what I loved, and networking (the genuine kind) felt like play.

The time I spent on social media and doing what I was told sold felt like work. I said to myself if I didn’t put in this work, then doing what I loved would never pay the bills.

I goggined my life before David Goggins became a verb. This was a time before bro-science professor Andrew Huberman said doing shit we don’t like builds the anterior midcingulate cortex for willpower, and Goggins told us that the thing you feel is missing in your life is found “in the suck,” not some “catch-phrase bullshit.”

True. You find yourself in times of hardship, not comfort. But after twelve years of pushing through “the suck,” the wolves smelled my desperation and capitalized on my passion.

Instead of giving up, I decided to go all out with Substack. Rather than spending most of my time on paid work (teaching, personal training, promoting products, and whatever gig economy stint came my way), I treated Substack like a job.

I needed to put 40+ hours a week into Born Without Borders, or I’d fire myself (I haven’t quite figured out what that means either.) I churned out two articles a week, read, networked, and implemented all the strategies that seemed authentic to my project.

I believed that ‘plan a’ works better when there’s no ‘plan b.’ Now I’m broke and must find stable work. Es lo que hay—this isn't me complaining about working more. Voy a trabajar less.

Work has caused me to spend more money than I made, burn out, and limit my growth. Sure, pushing through “the suck” helped me find who I am and what I want. Ironically, that’s a scholar who wants to play.

“Scholar” comes from the Latin “schola,” meaning leisure devoted to learning. I fell for the idea that I needed to grind it out so people would pay for what I created.

I’ve learned a lot about how to succeed on Substack from

The Author Stack

by

Russell Nohelty

,

Sarah Fay Writers at Work

,

Follow your gut

by

Elin Petronella

, and of course,

Brent Hartinger

,

Michael Jensen

, and

Mike Sowden

, who have gone the extra mile to share what they know with me.

I also wouldn’t have made it this far without Switter’s World, Chen Rafaeli, Justin S. Bailey, Harvey Hamer, Mmerikani (Swahili, English), JD Goulet, Paul Moxness, Bowen Dwelle, Kat River, Jonny Bates, Ali Manoogian, Renée Eli, Ph.D, Lloyd Miner, Noha Beshir, Logan Thorneloe, Sam Colt, Michael Edward, Laura Lin, Alex Dobrenko`, Ranjit K Sharma, Junot Díaz, Dean Foster, Lisa Rogers, Danu, M.M. McGuire, James Don BlueWolf, Summer Suleiman, Joseph Lim, Ian Coulls, Expat in Portugal, Lorraine Tilbury, Samuel Lopez-Barrantes, neena maiya, M. E. Rothwell, Nishant Jain, Andy Adams, Priya Iyer,

Rachel Ooi

Samantha Childress, Alexander M Crow, Amrita Roy,

Aman

,

Joyce Wycoff

Alison Acheson, Monica Nastase, Ann Wolter, Bruce Joffe, Sam Briggs from

Wrong Channel

, Michie O'Day, Kimberly Anne,

Inés Fernández

,Louise Haynes, Aimee Liu, Frank Janssens, family members who prefer to remain nameless, and all of you who subscribe to my newsletter.

But right now, I’m lost.

I started

Born Without Borders

for nomads, immigrants, third-culture kids, and everyone else who feels inescapably foreign. Es para todos quien quieren salir de las fronteras que impone su mente. 

Like my art, my life is a constant journey where I say yes to everything and then roll with the punches. But after twelve years of failure, the vision that my unrealistic narrative will one day materialize is starting to dwindle.

When I started the Forever Foreign series, crafting my parents’ life stories into the written word felt like my last resort—the book that would finally propel my career.

My parents got married after six dates, wandered amid CIA shadows and sticky red tape, celebrated with the Sandanistas, dwelled on a monkey-ridden island with a beat-loving recluse, rose to the top of Tenerife’s tourist sector, dodged the draft, smuggled—

The adventures were endless, but it took cancer for my father to commit to the stories I’ve begged him to pen throughout my life. The time we spent talking and writing while an ocean apart meant more than any career or financial-related goal I had, but the lack of success took its toll on us.

Sometimes, trying to capitalize on stories kills their soul.

My next post, “Sperm on the Rocks,” will be the final chapter, so those who have followed the stories from the beginning will experience the cyclical narrative I planned. Initially, this story was supposed to come in three months (and three countries) later, but pushing through was destroying what I love.

Maybe I’ll return to my parents' stories but through my voice and experience. In a time of AI, I believe art must be more personal than ever. ChatGPT can imitate and edit my words but can’t play with my imperfections and contradictions as you and I can.

I will keep writing from this sense of play because it’s the only way I know to live with meaning in this world. But until

Born Without Borders

becomes more sustainable, I can’t guarantee two articles a week anymore. If you want to support this, paid subscriptions give me the time to write my best words. They allow me to write outside our borders.

I’ve created a few polls to help me find direction, but art can’t always be categorized into a few questions, so please let me know what you think in the comments.

I appreciate todo tu ayuda.

Here’s the big question.

Are you interested in reading about a cross-continent (Europe) fitness challenge trip that supports sustainable slow travel and a more borderless world?

In the past months, I’ve put my job and writing aside to support the person I thought I’d marry. Turns out, I was cheated on and manipulated throughout the relationship. Was it trauma, pure selfishness, our culture’s push for individualism, religious background, influencer love gurus, or a combination of them all?

Why did I forgive so much? How come I couldn’t set boundaries? Why am I still madly in love? Am I a masochist? Did I enmesh the relationship? I will investigate and process this by interviewing people I meet along the way.

The only way to keep hate out of my heart is to turn the pain into something creative I can grow from and help others with.

I’m now selling most of my belongings and renting out my apartment so I can heal through travel, writing, and the only measure I’ve ever had control over, fitness.

I guess I haven’t let go of goggining my life.

So, I plan to either a.) hike and transit from Spain to Sweden while completing various fitness challenges and interviewing people about mental health or b.) Bike from Spain to Sweden while completing various fitness challenges and interviewing people about mental health.

The style, structure, and content of my writing will largely depend on how you answered the other questions.

Most importantly, let’s collaborate!

Now that I’m not tied down to a schedule, I have time for many more collaborations. So please reach out to me if you want to write, podcast, film, act and create together.