Eurolatinish Friendships

When Culture & Friendship Clash

Photo by Afif Ramdhasuma on Unsplash

In “How Friendship Differs Across Cultures” and “Bonds Beyond Borders,” I answered the following questions:

• Do friends come and go?

• Do friends need to pay you back with gifts?

• Are friends required to provide advice and practical support? 

• How many friends do you have?

• Who do you share your life’s story with?

• Is it possible to live a life without enemies? 

You read the research—culture significantly impacts these answers. But today, I’m leaving the research out of it and going all Freudian on you.

Ew, please don’t—

No, I won’t imply you want sex with your parents. I will share my thoughts and experiences as though they’re The Truth without citing empirical evidence.

So, like an opinion piece?

Yup. Well, kind of. I can’t help but cite research. But we’ll get into my Eurolatinish POV.

As a third-culture kid¹ raised in a conservative Canadian town by a mother with three passports and a Belgian father who behaves like a Latino, I had a lot of questions.

1. Why are some Canadian parents charging their kids rent the second they turn 18? 2. Why is my Spanish buddy still living at home at the age of 30? 3. Why did my friend send me a bill down to the cent when he was a student? 4. Why did that same friend not offer to pitch in once he was rich? 5. Why was I attracted to his bluntness, but mine ended the friendship? 6. When is it someone’s culture or socioeconomic situation, and when is someone just an asshole?

The cultural psychology studies gave us ideas, but now I’ll answer based on experience (which may be very different than yours, so please comment).

1. Canadian parents are more likely to charge their kids rent the second they turn 18 because 1. DISCIPLINE AND RESPONSIBILITY (at least, that’s what the Canadians I asked answered). 2. THEY LIVE IN A CULTURE THAT VALUES MONEY OVER FAMILY (at least, that’s what the Europeans and South Americans I asked answered).

2. Spanish people live at home until they’re thirty because 1. If they’re boys, they’d rather pay for an Audie than rent, and their mothers still do their laundry (that’s what many of us guiris² say.) 2. They’re lazy southern Europeans taking EU money from the hardworking Northerners (you can guess who says that). 3. The economy has gone downhill (everyone can agree). 4. They don’t want to live more than a block away from their parents unless it’s their Erasmus year (Many Spanish people admit this).

3. My friend charged me down to the cent because—