How Friendship Differs Across Cultures

A life full of questions that turned into theories

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

• Do friends come and go?

• Do friends need to pay you back with gifts?

• Are friends required to provide advice and practical support? 

• How many friends do you have?

• Who do you share your life’s story with?

• Is it possible to live a life without enemies? 

You might think it depends on the level of friendship. A good friend will pay for your food, whereas a best friend will eat your food. A good friend will stop you from doing something stupid, but a best friend will do it with you. And so on.

But reactions to these jokes and answers depend on culture. Yes, friendships are universal, but the ways they form and function are not.

Universally, friendships positively impact health (mental and physical) and can give you a sense of purpose and control over one’s life.¹ However, friend networks can also increase the chances of substance abuse, smoking, and obesity.²

These findings make sense. My friends are why I’ve climbed higher mountains, questioned more beliefs, made it through heartache, forgotten too many nights, woken up in strangers’ basements (yes, plural), and ended up in different cities by accident.

… But let’s continue with what’s universal.

No matter the culture, most of us are subject to the mere exposure effect (we like people we see more often).³ People tend to be attracted to those similar to them (socioeconomic background, religion, interests, personality, and so on).⁴ Plus, attractive people have an easier time making friends.⁵ Of course, there are individual exceptions, but these findings are true across cultures.

What varies, however, is what is expected from a friend, how quick we are to drop a friend, how easy it is to get into the inner circle, how many friends we have, how often we socialize, how we socialize, and who we consider enemies.

Before we get into all that, we need to understand the four elementary forms of relationships.